Shuichi, Angel
by jmccall93
Summary: A view on what happened after the end of episode 13.


_A/N:  I have seen most of the episodes except for 3, 5, and 11.  I haven't seen the OVA's either.  So some of this story may be inaccurate._

_Please R&R!  Thanks!_

__I am a coward.  

Why did I really come here?

Am I here to rid the world of my tainted presence, or am I running from something…or someone?

I am a coward.

I am running away from _him_.

I underestimated Shindou Shuichi.  When I first came across him I thought he was an over-emotional, genki amateur songwriter.  Something about him struck me though and wouldn't let go.  I think it was because he reminded me of how carefree I had been once.  

Shuichi was never afraid to express his true feelings for me.  I'd never been around someone who so selflessly gave his love to anyone without expecting or wanting anything in return.  Growing up with people like Seguchi Tohma around me insured that.

Yuki starts to light his cigarette and sees the sticker there that was evidence of their date.  Shuichi looks so happy.  Why do I look so bored?  I wasn't at all bored that day.  I could have at least smiled for the camera to show I was having fun.  Then at least he would have had something to remember my by and see how happy he truly made me.

People think I am a cold, uncaring person.  I'm not though.  I just put up a good front.  I feel things just as strongly as he does.  Too afraid to show someone I love my deepest feelings for him. And I do love him.  That baka.  He was never supposed to get under my skin like that.  This was never supposed to have happened.  

I can't take it anymore…

_If you hated me so much you should have told me, Sensei._

_Where were you cursed so that your death was necessary?_

_Rather, the life that has to disappear…_

_Is mine._

_"I finally…_

_I finally found you_

_Yuki."_

"Shu-Shuichi, you – how did you get here?" 

_"Shut up!  It doesn't matter how I got here!_

_You just selfishly took off on me!_

_Look!_

_That time…_

_That time when the wind blew away my lyrics, you made me finish those in the end.  _

_Look!"_

**The whisper that dissolves into the bustling crowd**

**makes the memories scattered underfoot blur together.**

**The blazing of the street where I walk about lost (glaring one way)**

**illuminates me as coldly as though it freezes.**

**The cold times make dreams fall like rain and slip through my hands.**

**When I woke up from the countless wishes, you are reflected in a shimmering illusion—**

**The silhouette whose faint smile leads me along.**

**Even if the gentleness that tells about only what makes anxiety flow had fulfilled eternity, I still don't want tomorrow.**

**The words that I have to give to you are (it's talk to myself)**

**falling into an everyday routine, even without shadows.**

**With a trembling finger, I gather up the dreams; without even breathing on them, they're crumbling.**

**Even the certain things are too unreliable; if I believe in something, can I be with you again?**

**It's whitely vanishing, the silhouette of that day.**

**Looking up at that palely-dyed season (Life Winter Dream)**

**I, who stopped to stand still, am swept away.**

**The wind blows it out, makes it be left behind; even the yearning is growing numb from the cold in my heart.**

**The cold times drift about in dreams, but are caught and held in your hands.**

**When I woke up from the countless wishes, you are reflected in a shimmering illusion—**

**The silhouette whose faint smile leads me along.**

_You're always like this.  You don't think of others at all._

_I was like that too._

_I drove Kitazawa to it, then killed him."_

_"Don't screw around_

_Don't screw around!!!!!!!!!!_

_What are you saying, drove him to it_

_Do you think you can escape from me?_

_Even if you try to escape or die, I'll search and I'll find you."_

He won't let me go either.  Won't leave me in peace.  And though I'd never admit it, that's exactly what I wanted…no…needed.  Everyone else has been too busy tiptoeing around me and letting me close myself off.  But not Shuichi, never him.  All because of an offhand comment in the park late one night.    The next time I saw him, I kissed him.  I know I startled him.  Hell, I startled myself at the same time, but I was just…drawn to him.  Then he just kept coming back all because of that kiss.  Telling me his feelings and demanding to know mine. What did he call it?  Oh yes, gravitation.  I thought if I could convince him it was nothing he would go away.  Leave me to my dark and secluded existence. I still don't really know what was going through my mind then other than to teach him a lesson.  He was too irritating, too nice. In the beginning I wanted to tarnish him, break him; let him see how cruel the world could really be.  I had the power to do that, and I tried, oh how I tried.  He was the stronger one though.  His love was stronger than even I in all my hate and self-loathing could deny.

_"Because I'll never forgive it!_

_Because I love you!"_

"You love me?  Why?  All I ever have been was mean to you.  Pushing you away.  Trying to save you from me."  

_"Zero._

_You really have zero talent"._

The lyrics were terrible.  To think he was trying to write about love in the beginning having never truly experienced it.  I had, and it left a bitter taste in my mouth.

I'm tainted.  Spoiled goods.  I don't deserve happiness.  You don't deserve to be tainted.  You are the sun, the moon,…the stars.  You are the light, making everything around you shine brightly.  Me, I am the darkness.  A void where there once was a an innocent and naïve child, like you.  He took that away from me, and though I once loved him, I can never forgive him…or myself!

I have been blessed though, for I have been given a chance to love again.  And I do.  Fiercely.  Even if I can't express it openly.  I think he knows too, at least I hope he does.  I don't know how he did it, but he tracked me to New York.  I can't figure out how he tracked me to this building either, but I don't care.  

My life as it had been was shattered in this room 6 years ago.  Now I am picking up the pieces with his help.  From now on this dark, deserted room will hold only pleasant memories for me.  The night an angel baptized me with his tears and blessed me with his love, bathing me with tender kisses to wash away my darkness and bring me into the light that was him.  

"Shuichi…love me…_please_…"

Shuichi stopped feathering kisses over Eiri's closed eyes.  How he wanted to kiss those tears away!  He leaned back and looked Eiri in the eyes once more.  He almost couldn't bear the desperate, pleading look so evident there.  "Yuki…you know I love you!"

He flinched.  I don't ever want to be called that name ever again!  "No…don't call me that!  I am not Yuki!  Yuki is dead.  He died in this room.  My name is Eiri…Uesugi Eiri."

The room was dark with just broken pieces of moonlight bathing the floor around them.  Yuki looked like a marble stature with cold, crystalline tears adorning his cheeks.

"Love me…here…now…Shuichi…_please…save me from myself_.**"**

Shuichi had to almost shake his head in disbelief.  In the blink of an eye, Eiri no longer looked like a marble statue, but a lost young boy trying to find his way home. There is such a lost, desperate look in his eyes.  I've never seen him so shaken.  He's crying too.  Oh no, never him…not full fledged sobs, but his shoulders are hitching and I can hear him trying to choke them back, even as the tears on his cheeks betray him.  I know what he's asking and that's the least I could do for him.  

I wanted to jump around, hug him and just scream out in joy!  I couldn't though.  That's not what he needed right now.  He'd never needed me like this before, as though he was teetering on the edge of an abyss and I was his only lifeline.  He needed hugs, kisses, and soft, insistent assurances of my undying love and the lengths I would go to if he took his love away from me.

I cupped his face in my hands, and looked him deep in his eyes, hoping he could see the depth of my love and need for him.  "Yes Eiri… I will love you today, and every day for the rest of your life.  I won't ever let you go."  I leaned back into him and his embrace, kissing his eyes, trying to wash the tears and the memory of them from his beautiful face.  

I can't take this much longer, but I know he needs it, needs to get this out of his system.  I wanted to make sure I didn't say or do anything that might cause the walls that were so readily crumbling to be built anew.  I know he wants to start fresh, and he must put this part of his life behind him for good if he is to succeed…

My body feels dead to me.  All of my pain feels like stab wounds adorning my entire body, and with every kiss of his from those lips, with every loving gaze from those eyes he heals my wounds, closing them as if they were never there.  His love for me is like a balm on my soul, healing it as we sit here in one another's arms.

Shuichi saved my life simply by telling me he loved me...

"_Because I love you!"_

I never would have guessed that those four words could heal my broken, tortured soul so easily.__

…and accepting my newfound love in return.

"Ai shiteru, Shuichi…ai shiteru…"


End file.
